Despite what people may say, walking out of a yoga teacher training with a nice looking certificate doesn't mean you can teach yoga or you automatically become some kind of enlightened guru. It's an ongoing process of learning, studying and practising - and transitioning into a career as a yoga teacher is a BIG shift! It's fun, but also very challenging.
For me it's been a full on week. I've gone from practically studying full-time at RMIT (and doing a marathon 14 hours on my business plan submission!!) to adapting to the absence of this. It's weird being totally into something, focusing all your energy on getting some particular work completed, and then having it almost totally drop away.
All this frenetic activity and "deadline" focussing had gotten me into a weird space. I didn't even have time for my home yoga practice, and also my good friend Rachel was camped out on my bedroom floor for a couple of nights, for a sleep-over-like experience. She's studying for her masters and so working together helped make the work seem more fun and less arduous.
So today when I woke up, feeling energised as usual and not having practiced with my teacher for over a week I decided, "How awesome would it be to go to a flowing yoga class with cool music, stretch out before I teach, relax and yogify myself?" I'm pretty sure as I was getting dressed I heard a voice say it would take me longer than 40 minutes to get from the studio in Sth Yarra to Brunswick where my cover class was... but, I ingored it. I'm sure it said, "It's your call." Thanks, Voice. Next time I'll listen. :-)
After a fun class, doing handstands against a mirror, moving my chi, flowing through millions of sun salutations and noticing that I was the stiffest person in the universe (from sitting in a chair for probably 30 hours) I left the class feeling good but rushed... which is not good.
On the way my GPS stopped working, so I used the GPS on my phone which just searched for a signal endlessly. I got completely lost, it rained, and I finally made it to Brunswick, almost ten minutes late. Heart beating fast and breathless, but relieved to have made it, I psuedo-calmly asked the students to lay down on their mats in a relaxation pose, while I collected my own breath and thoughts, and then a strange thing happened. Someone who wasn't me just started teaching the class. I thought, "Who is this powerful person who has stepped in?" Okay, so that probably sounds lame but something else took over, shut down the thoughts of being embarrased or inadequate and started teaching the class... I looked around the room at the unfamiliar environment, messy and colourful walls, looked at the students in their downward-facing dog and felt so lucky to be there. And humble. And idiotic.
Then just as the class was moving into the flow, my android phone started to speak! Loudly an American voice said, "GPS signal lost." Comical... Maybe mirroring my mismatched connection with my own "inner signal."
As I write this, new insights are arising into my mind. Maybe I'm letting forces from outside me guide my journey and not trusting myself, nor planning properly. And while that studio class was great, I see how my being spontaneous gets in the way of honest and logical planning. You can't ACTUALLY be everywhere at once. Time to tune into my inner source of direction!
Miss Sprunkles is my alter ego. She's spontaneous, creative, silly, talkative, laughing, cute, gorgeous, steals biscuits, and is learning how to become a responsible adult. So we have a lot in common. I think originally she was named after a Siamese fighting fish I had...
Final thought: We are all a work in progress.
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